life and the spaces between » Uncategorized

NEW ADDRESS… www.MotivatedMonkey.com

Vince — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 23:39:47 +0000

I’ve moved! Have my own website now….. YAY!!! Come join me on my new adventures!

http://www.MotivatedMonkey.com

Also, check out this site for my new travel video blog from the Philippines!

http://www.WhenInManila.com/

911 Philippines

Vince — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 02:45:55 +0000

4:19am March 14, 2009 Saturday
(mostly written as we wait for help on side of the road)

With Megan Fox carefully and intimately sucking on my toes, I suddenly get shaken by some strong vibrations.

“MmEeGgAaNn!” I screamed while still abruptly being shook. I quickly realized that the hot girl from Transformers was only in my dreams.

“That’s it, we just lost our surfboards from the roof,” were my second thoughts as I awaken from my slumber.

We were on our way to Baler, Aurora, about 6 hours North of Manila. The ride had been amazingly smooth thus far. It was nice to be on roads that felt like they were actually built within the past century. Even better, we started our trip at 1am, so there were no signs of any traffic for miles. It’s the complete opposite of the usual unpaved roads and never-ending traffic in Manila. With our boards neatly stowed on top of our SUV flip flops on our toes and sun block in our bags, this was supposed to be the start of a very relaxing surf trip.

Then BOOMrattlerattlerattleshakeshakeshakerattleandroll!!!!

“WwHhAaTt JjUuSsTt HhAaPpPpEeNnEeDd??” I shakingly ask.

Either someone was knocking heavily and rapidly on our windows, as we drive down 135kms, or something else was going on that requested our immediate attention.

Fortunately, we were able to pull over to the side of the freeway with no problems other than the loud rattling sound and the intense shaking of our car. We head out to see what the problem was and immediately notice our right rear tire, or what’s left of it.

Our tire had completely blown. It was absolutely gone; there was even a grainy rubber trail from the pieces of tire disintegrating as we pulled over.

Now my friends try to use the jack to lift the car but unfortunately, the jack they had was too small and couldn’t lift the SUV high enough for us to change the tire. So I then ask them what the emergency number is so I can call for help. Funny thing is, no one knew the emergency number in the Philippines….

It’s kinda funny. I mean put us in a worse case scenario where things go really bad, everyone else is unconscious, and all you have is your phone in your pocket – Who you gonna call? I’d call the Ghostbusters but I don’t know their number either.

I then start my trial and error for the right number. I dial 911, the emergency number for the US, and get Pizza Hut! Well, I guess in times of dire need, you can’t go wrong with pizza.

A few wrong numbers and I finally get to 117, the actual emergency number for the Philippines.

Help arrived right away. No more than five minutes had passed before we see some flashing lights. The guys that helped us out did everything for us. They changed the tire and re-attached the old one to the back of our SUV. We tried to give them some money for their troubles, the usual practice here, but to our surprise they wouldn’t accept it.

It was just nice to know that no matter how much many may think that the Philippines isn’t moving forward, there will be situations like this that makes me think on a more positive note.

Now here’s the crazy part, the guys said that we’re lucky it was the back tire that blew. Otherwise, our SUV would have lost control and probably rolled over. Especially at the speed we were going, 135kms. For whatever reason, the stars had been aligned our whole lives and that tire was on the rear side of the SUV instead of the front.

Weird isn’t it? How little things have the power to change our lives just like that.

If we did, or ever do, get into a big accident, at least now I know the number for Pizza Hut.

Vince — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 04:43:50 +0000

My Favorite F*** My Life statements…

For those of you who haven’t been to the website, it’s the funniest stuff I’ve ever seen! Pretty much it’s like Post Secrets and Twitter, but for crazy stupid things that happen to others that we can all laugh about. Every note starts with “Today,” and ends with “FML.” HAHA!

Here are my personal favs….

http://www.fmylife.com/

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we’ve been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says “I’m just going to be blunt. It doesn’t look like you. You’re not that pretty.” Everyone nods. FML

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: “love mom.” FML

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy assholes’. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy. FML

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, “I got your best friend pregnant”. FML

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed “neither” to “nigger.” I didn’t notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I’m 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

Today, I went to McDonald’s for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said “Well, at least you’re trying.” FML

Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied “diet coke?” and I corrected him saying, “No, regular coke.” He shook his head and said again, “diet coke.” FML

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I’m 17. FML

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date’s name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled “Tim” in bold letters. FML

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, “Beat ya!” She’s thirteen. FML

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While Im brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don’t own a diesel car. FML

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, “They’ll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins.” FML

The Battlefield

Vince — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 14:42:29 +0000

A calming silence echoes in the air as I take cover behind a concrete road block. I’m still trying to regain my focus when my infantry commander, who had taken the lead, gives the “all clear” signal and orders me to push forward. I check my equipment and brace myself to charge out into the open battlefield. I take a deep breath, look both ways, make a step forward, then VOOM! This tricycle comes out of nowhere and almost levels me!

Ok, so maybe I’m not really in a warzone. Just maybe, my infantry commander is actually my 15 year old sister who crossed the street before I did. And maybe my battlefield is really just the white pinstripes painted on the gravel called the pedestrian lane. Either way, you’d have to agree that crossing the street in the Philippines feels just like opening sequence of “Saving Private Ryan.”

See here in the Philippines, cars don’t stop for people who are crossing the street, they don’t even slow down. In fact, most of them would actually speed up. You’re on your own in the middle of the pedestrian lane here. No one is going to save you but yourself. This is where your true character comes out. This is where you either shine in the headlights or fade away into roadkill. This is the battlefield that I must cross everyday!

ZOOM, goes the crazy taxi cab right in front of me, as if I didn’t even exist.

I took half a step forward but find myself nine and a half steps back, hiding behind a telephone pole. My sister rolls her eyes in discontent, pretty much calling me a coward through her look. I should walk over and beat the living crap out of her that little piece of….. WHOA!!!

SHOOM, goes the scooter, barely missing my toes.

“I’m on the goddamn sidewalk here! WTF!”

It seems that there’s no safe place to hide against these insurgents. Damn terrorists!

At this point, my back is against the wall all the way at the other end of the sidewalk. Some stray dog licking his balls stops for a moment to stare and mock me.

“Pussy!” said the stray dog. Ok, well he didn’t really say that but I think that’s what he was thinking and would have said if it could talk.

“WELL AT LEAST I DON’T HAVE TO LICK MY OWN BALLS!” I accidentally scream out loud towards the dog.

The fast moving crowd in front of me stops for a moment and they too stare for a second. My sister, still across the street waiting for me, looks down on the pavement from utter shame and disbelief. “Hurry up!” she yells.

I flick off the stray dog and slowly muster back my composure. I walk towards the outer edge of the sidewalk and wait for a clear path. Five minutes later I’m still waiting. My infantry commander gives me the signal that she’s about to leave me if I don’t move my ass.

I look to my left and see the coast is clear. I take a step forward when… SQWWWWWWEEEEKK! A pedicab (pretty much a tricycle but with a bicycle instead of a motorcycle powering the thing) coming down the wrong way barely breaks in time to avoid hitting me.

“The traffic is going that way! You’re going the wrong way! WTF!” I scream.

Without missing a beat, the pedicab simply goes around me and moves on with life. I too needed to move on, for now.

In the middle of the street, I see a small opening in front of me and make a dash for it but…. WHOOOOSH! A jeepney cuts me off and stops right in front of me. In the middle rush hour traffic, in the middle of the day, in the middle of the road, this jeepney just stops. With the road in front of him clear as the sky, while the traffic behind him honking their horns like all hell was about to break loose, this jeepney just stops to let off his passengers in the middle of all the madness. The passengers get off, cross the road safely and the jeep drives away. I, on the other hand, am stunned and frozen in my tracks. The oncoming traffic honks their horn and I snap out of it, ready to finally make it to the other side.

Then out of nowhere, this young boy comes up to me and starts selling me Sampaguitas (it’s the national flower of the Philippines which locals pick and weave into a necklace). Out the corner of my eye, I notice a huge truck headed straight for us. I scream at the boy and tell him to save himself. In what seemed more like an act of child abuse, rather than heroism, I quickly shove the unwary child out of the way. He actually just gets nudged a bit, gave me a death stare and walked away.

“Go young one, go and live another day! Don’t thank me. I’m just doing what I have to…” I say to the grumpy child.

Yet my trial has yet to end. I still had half the road in front of me while trucks, jeepneys, crazy taxis, tricycles, pedicabs, street vendors and Megatron headed straight for me! I sum up all my videogame experience from old school Atari Frogger all the way to Grand Theft Auto Vice City. I leap, skip, hop, jump, run and roll my way to the other side.

Finally, I make it through the battlefield. Pants a little bit damp, but still with my freedom and dignity!

“Oh, I left something. We need to go back real quick” whispered my sister.

“Why you sonofa….” VHOOOOSH!!!!

Traffic in Manila

Traffic in Manila 2

Tricycles

Pedicabs

Jeepney

Selling Sampaguitas